Aging jokes

YOU KNOW YOU’RE GETTING OLD WHEN…

SIGNS THAT YOU ARE NO LONGER A KID

You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead.

You can live without sex but not without glasses.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

You have dreams about prunes.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You’ve got cable for the weather channel.

You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

SIGNS FOR YOUR DESK

Young at Heart. Slightly Older in Other Places.

Time is Nature’s way of making sure that everything doesn’t go wrong at once.

ODE TO MYOPIA

My face in the mirror isn’t wrinkled or drawn.

My house isn’t dirty – the cobwebs are gone.

My garden looks lovely, and so does my lawn.

I think I might NEVER put my glasses back on.

–Author unknown