Good article by Thom Rainer on bullies in the church. It brought back some bad memories and some guilt, wondering what I could have done differently about the bullies in my previous church. Excerpts…

Church bullies are common in many churches. They wreak havoc and create dissension. They typically must have an “enemy” in the church, because they aren’t happy unless they are fighting a battle. They tend to maneuver to get an official leadership position in the church, such as chairman of the elders or deacons or treasurer. But they may have bully power without any official position.

1. They do not recognize themselves as bullies.
2. They have personal and self-serving agendas.
3. They seek to form power alliances with weak members in the church.
4. They tend to have intense and emotional personalities.
5. They are famous for saying “people are saying.” They love to gather tidbits of information and shape it to their own agendas.
6. They find their greatest opportunities in low expectation churches.
7. They are allowed to bully because church members will not stand up to them.
8. They create chaos and wreak havoc.
9. They often move to other churches after they have done their damage.

Church bullying is epidemic in many of our congregations. They must be stopped. In my article on Wednesday, I deal with the topic of preventing church bullying.

http://thomrainer.com/2015/03/30/nine-traits-church-bullies/

There were hundreds of comments and one referred to a book by Ken Haugk and said that weakness invites bullying and strength repels bullying. I felt guilty again.

In my case a few years ago, I had some willing leaders – dozens who were willing to stand up to the bullies on my behalf, but they were out of their depth. For one thing, it may have been too late. The bullies had seats on the Elder Board and had the ear of presbytery leaders by the time the conflict came out into the open. My defenders were also not prepared for or willing to go the lengths to which my antagonists were willing to go. It became apparent that the antagonists would sooner burn the church to the ground (figuratively) before they would give up the fight. They were taking prisoners, including my family.

Lessons Learned by a Bullied Pastor

1. Be perfect. Make everybody love you. Nobody can do this, so admit mistakes, ask forgiveness and move on to #2.
2. Confront bullies early and as often as necessary. Enlist the help of respected leaders. Don’t freak out and hide. They’re not going away. Also, don’t over-react and go on the offensive. But, respond. The sooner you respond, the better the results.
3. There are willing defenders in every healthy church. Let them do their work. Give them guidance on how to defend the peace and unity of the church.
   I did this, but most were more willing to comfort and support me than stand up to the bullies. They couldn’t believe the dissension was really happening. They couldn’t get over the idea that we might not all be reconciled.
4. Overcome fear. Don’t be afraid to lose your position. Like Maxwell says, “you’re not free to do your job until you can say ‘I don’t need this job.'”
5. You may not win. You may not keep your position. Move on. But, before you do, give the church a chance to work through the conflict together. I don’t believe in keeping the conflict under wraps (as often happens) and leaving quietly, only to have an innocent lamb follow you to the slaughter. When I left, most people knew why.
   I’ve had second thoughts about whether this was the right approach because scores of members left the church and didn’t go back. Did I do the right thing in letting the conflict get out into the open? I think so. I don’t think I would have served the church well by leaving quietly, with words like, “The Lord is leading me to a new challenge.”

Rainer’s follow-up:

http://thomrainer.com/2015/04/01/nine-ways-deal-church-bullies/