It seems that some church members have been starched and ironed, but too few have been washed.
First Pastor: I hear you had a revival.
Second Pastor: Yes, we did.
First Pastor: How many additions did you have?
Second Pastor: We didn’t have any additions but we had some blessed subtractions.
A Bad Day
A guy was sitting at the bar, just staring at his drink, but not doing anything. A big burly biker came in and looked at the guy sitting there. He came over to the little guy and said, “hey, if you’re not going to drink it, I will. And he
The little guy started to cry.
The biker said, “Don’t cry, I was just messing with you. I’m sorry.
The man said, “No, you don’t understand. This is a horrible day. I overslept and missed an important meeting, my boss fired me. I went to drive home, but somebody stole my car. So, I took a taxi, but I left my wallet in the taxi. I get home and find out my wife left me. Then my dog bit me.
The biker said, “Yeah, that’s too bad.”
The man continued, “But that’s not the worst part. I come here and dropped a cyanide pill into my beer, and now you just drank it all.”
Now, that’s a bad day.
-Mark Brewer in “A New Kind of Life” Easter 2007
William Barclay said, “you can watch a bird fly, but that doesn’t help you fly.”
-Mark Brewer in “A New Kind of Life” Easter 2007
“Jesus did more in 24 hours than Jack Bauer ever did.”
David H. C. Read once preached a sermon entitled, “Unfinished Easter,” suggesting that the end of the Easter story is written in our lives (David H. C. Read. “Unfinished Easter,” Unfinished Easter: Sermons on the Ministry [San Francisco: Harper & Row, Publishers, 1978], 96-102]. This carries forward the final point of the material above about the article in which the author suggests that “the pen is in our hands.” The phrase “Unfinished Easter” opens up the story in a fresh way.
—Thanks to Stephen W. Plunkett for this reference, e-mail correspondence.
Max Lucado – “No Wonder They Call Him The Savior”
“The cross. It rests on the time line of history like a compelling diamond. Its tragedy summons all sufferers. Its absurdity attracts all cynics. It’s hope lures all searchers… History has idolized it and despised it, gold-plated it and burned it, worn and trashed it. History has done everything to it but ignore it. That’s the one option that the cross does not offer. No one can ignore it! You can’t ignore a piece of lumber that suspends the greatest claim in history. It’s bottom line is sobering: …if the account is true, it is history’s hinge. Period. … If not, it is history’s hoax. That’s why the cross is what matters.”
http://www.sermoncentral.com/sermon.asp?SermonID=41116&Sermon%20Following%20Jesus%20To%20The%20Cross%20#4%20-%20Power%20To%20Change%20Your%20Life%20by%20Mark%20Thornton
Gravestones
“Here lies a pastor, and a man of few words” An observer said, wow, they put two different people in one grave.
“I always knew this would happen; I just didn’t expect it so soon”
“I told you I was sick”
– Mark Brewer, “Raising the Dead,” Easter 2006
An old couple was sitting together after breakfast. He was reading the newspaper and she was sitting next to him. She said, “I remember a day when you used to sit by me and talk to me at breakfast and now you just read the paper. So he put the paper down.
She said, “I remember you used to put your arm around me.” So, he put his arm around her.
She said, “I remember a day when you used to nibble on my ear.” The man got up and left the room. The woman said where are you going? He said, “I’m going to get my teeth.”
– Mark Brewer, “Raising the Dead,” Easter 2006
15 Now, brothers, I want to remind you of the gospel I preached to you, which you received and on which you have taken your stand. 2 By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.
3 For what I received I passed on to you as of first importancea: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, 4 that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, 5 and that he appeared to Peter,b and then to the Twelve. 6 After that, he appeared to more than five hundred of the brothers at the same time, most of whom are still living, though some have fallen asleep. 7 Then he appeared to James, then to all the apostles, 8 and last of all he appeared to me also, as to one abnormally born.
9 For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. 10 But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 11 Whether, then, it was I or they, this is what we preach, and this is what you believed.
The Resurrection of the Dead
12 But if it is preached that Christ has been raised from the dead, how can some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead? 13 If there is no resurrection of the dead, then not even Christ has been raised. 14 And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith. 15 More than that, we are then found to be false witnesses about God, for we have testified about God that he raised Christ from the dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the dead are not raised. 16 For if the dead are not raised, then Christ has not been raised either. 17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins. 18 Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ are lost. 19 If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.
20 But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. 21 For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. 22 For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive. 23 But each in his own turn: Christ, the firstfruits; then, when he comes, those who belong to him. 24 Then the end will come, when he hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. 25 For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet. 26 The last enemy to be destroyed is death. 27 For he “has put everything under his feet.”a Now when it says that “everything” has been put under him, it is clear that this does not include God himself, who put everything under Christ. 28 When he has done this, then the Son himself will be made subject to him who put everything under him, so that God may be all in all.
29 Now if there is no resurrection, what will those do who are baptized for the dead? If the dead are not raised at all, why are people baptized for them? 30 And as for us, why do we endanger ourselves every hour? 31 I die every day—I mean that, brothers—just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord. 32 If I fought wild beasts in Ephesus for merely human reasons, what have I gained? If the dead are not raised,
“Let us eat and drink,
for tomorrow we die.”b
33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 34 Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God—I say this to your shame.
The Resurrection Body
35 But someone may ask, “How are the dead raised? With what kind of body will they come?” 36 How foolish! What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. 37 When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed, perhaps of wheat or of something else. 38 But God gives it a body as he has determined, and to each kind of seed he gives its own body. 39 All flesh is not the same: Men have one kind of flesh, animals have another, birds another and fish another. 40 There are also heavenly bodies and there are earthly bodies; but the splendor of the heavenly bodies is one kind, and the splendor of the earthly bodies is another. 41 The sun has one kind of splendor, the moon another and the stars another; and star differs from star in splendor.
42 So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; 43 it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; 44 it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.
If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body. 45 So it is written: “The first man Adam became a living being”a; the last Adam, a life-giving spirit. 46 The spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and after that the spiritual. 47 The first man was of the dust of the earth, the second man from heaven. 48 As was the earthly man, so are those who are of the earth; and as is the man from heaven, so also are those who are of heaven. 49 And just as we have borne the likeness of the earthly man, so shall web bear the likeness of the man from heaven.
50 I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. 51 Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— 52 in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 53 For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. 54 When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”c
55 “Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”d
56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
58 Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
Men aren’t so good with relationships.
I was told of a man whose wife stayed at her friend’s house overnight, because it was late. She left a note for him.
He wasn’t sure he could believe her so he called up nine of her friends and nine of them said “No, she didn’t stay here.”
He thought he would test their relationship, so he spent the night in the RV and told his wife he spent the night at a friend’s place.
She wasn’t sure she could believe him so she called ten of his friends. Six of them confirmed he had spent the night with them. Two said he’s still here.
Men are a little different in relationships.
-Mark Brewer in “A New Kind of Life” Easter 2007
There are three surprises in heaven: who’s there, who’s not there, and that you’re there.
According to the Chicago Tribune, on June 22, 1997, parachute instructor Michael Costello, forty-two, of Mt. Dora, Florida, jumped out of an airplane at 12,000 feet altitude with a novice skydiver named Gareth Griffith, age twenty-seven.
The notice would soon discover just how good his instructor was, for when the novice pulled his ripcord, his parachute failed. Plummeting toward the ground, he faced certain death.
But then the instructor did an amazing thing. Just before hitting the ground, the instructor rolled over so that he would hit the ground first and the novice would land on top of him. The instructor was killed instantly. The novice fractured his spine in the fall, but he was not paralyzed.
One man takes the place of another, takes the brunt for another. One substitutes himself to die so another may live. So it was at the cross, when Jesus died for our sins so that we might live forever.
Choice Contemporary Stories & Illustrations For Preachers, Teachers, & Writers
Craig Brian Larson, Baker Books, p. 57.
-Mark Brewer in “A New Kind of Life” Easter 2007
The man who fell to earth and lived to tell the tale
June 25, 1997 – http://www.independent.co.uk/news/the-man-who-fell-to-earth-and-lived-to-tell-the-tale-1257796.html
By James Mellor and Phil Davison
A Briton had a “miracle” escape when he survived a terrifying 5,000 ft plunge to the ground after his parachute failed to open during a free fall jump.
Gareth Griffiths, 27, who works as a management consultant in London, was holidaying with friends in Florida when a routine tandem sky-dive turned to tragedy.
Eyewitness reports suggested that he had been saved by the heroic actions of his instructor, American Michael Costello, 42, who twisted in mid-air to take the brunt of the blow as the pair struck the ground.
Mr Costello died in the accident, near Florida’s Umatilla airport 35 miles north of Orlando, but Mr Griffiths’ condition was described as “encouraging” by the Orlando Regional Medical Centre where he is recovering from a fractured spine and injuries to the chest and abdomen.
Joe Brown, a spokesman for the hospital, said: “He is in a serious but stable condition. He underwent seven hours of surgery to repair damage to his lower back but is expected to fully recover.”
Michael Tighe was amongst a group of four friends of Mr Griffiths who witnessed the drama on Sunday afternoon. The party had taken a two-week break in America and had organised a 10-day parachuting course to prepare themselves for a US licence.
“The instructor saved Gareth’s life,” said Mr Tighe. “We have spoken to Gareth in hospital, where he is in a lot of pain.”
Umatilla’s police chief, Doug Foster, said: “He’s one lucky Brit. This was a miracle, no doubt about it … It’s just incredible, but the trainer seems to have absorbed the impact.”
Wilma Godwin, who owns the Paragators Sport Parachute Centre that organised the trip, paid tribute to Mr Costello’s bravery. “He saved the young man’s life, and he knew what he was doing,” she said.
She added that Mr Costello, who had 18 years parachuting experience, had made more than 7,500 jumps, including some as a stunt man in the Hollywood film Drop Zone.
Mr Griffiths’ parents, David and Fay of Bridgend, South Wales, said: “It’s just a miracle he is not dead. It was a terrible shock. We are still terribly worried about what the effect of his injuries could be. But I thank God somehow he is alive.”
Mr Griffiths, a bachelor, who works for management advisers Andersen Consulting, is a keen sportsmen and no stranger to adventure sports, such as white water rafting.
Parachuting and free fall jumping are an increasingly popular pursuit, particularly in the United States, and enthusiasts are passionate about their sport.
Tye Boughen is one such fanatic. Curiosity over a newspaper advertisement 15 years ago developed into a passion and Mr Boughen has now completed more than 3,250 jumps of different kinds, most commonly the tandem sky- dive, the type in which Mr Griffiths was injured.
“Free fall is the favourite jump of any parachutist. It is where the exhilaration of the sport is at its greatest. Most people would imagine that falling to earth at 120mph is terrifying but that is not the case,” he said.
“In fact it is like floating on a cushion of air. A good parachutist in free fall can be a gymnast, a surf-boarder or an arrow, it all depends upon training and choice. Each jump is different and requires skill and concentration.
“Of course everyone is scared before their first jump, even experienced parachutists are anxious before big jumps. I’ve been fortunate and have never been injured but I know plenty of people who have sprained ankles, suffered bumps and bruises and injured legs. The thing is that their passion picks them up and drives them on to continue.”
Tandem sky-diving, the type of jump that Mr Griffiths embarked upon, involves the novice being strapped to the instructor. The pair then free fall for the first part of the descent, normally about 30 seconds, and then release the parachute to glide to earth. The jumps cost between pounds 80- pounds 100 but insurance for accident is rarely included within the terms of holiday policies.
John Hitchen, national coach and safety officer from the British Parachute Association (BPA), said: “This is an unusual case. Usually in tandem jumping accidents both or neither would die. However, I can think of scenarios where the instructor could be turned round and hit the ground first and the novice’s fall would therefore be cushioned.”
Britain has about 30 parachuting clubs and more than 250,000 jumps are made each year of which about 10,000 are tandem sky-dives. According to the BPA there have been three fatalities in the last three years in the UK and during the worst year on record five people lost their lives to the sport. In America, experts calculate that over 100,000 tandem jumps are made annually.
1 Corinthians 15:17
17 And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins.
But Christ has been raised and our faith is not futile – we are forgiven.
A few weeks ago, I went skiing with a friend, Jay, from my high school days, who lives in the Bay Area. We didn’t want to ski on slush, so we went to Mt. Rose in Nevada, outside Reno. Mt. Rose is about 10,000 feet altitude.
As we were driving up the hill, I heard a siren really close by and looked in my rear view mirror. I saw those dreaded flashing lights – the police car was directly behind me.
All of a sudden, a memory popped into my head of a time when Jay and I were driving, during a break from college, we decided to go on a road trip from Lincoln, NE to California, where we stayed with my grandmother in Pacific Palisades. This was about 30 years ago. As we were driving through Nevada on I-80, in my yellow Ford Maverick, I hadn’t noticed that the Interstate had ended and we were driving through a small town – at pretty much the same speed. A highway patrolman pulled me over and wrote up a speeding ticket for me. But that wasn’t enough; he felt compelled to give me a lecture about how I could have killed somebody driving that fast through town and it got me kind of angry. I barely had enough money for gas; I didn’t have enough for a speeding ticket too – it was about $80. I decided I wouldn’t pay it. I didn’t plan to be in Nevada ever again, so they could just try and hunt me down.
Now, 30 years later, a Nevada Highway Patrol car is on my tail with siren and flashing lights and I’m thinking the fugitive has been busted. I pulled over and the officer sped by and pulled over the car in front of me. (relief)
I thought I was almost on Reno 911.
All of a sudden, I remembered why I usually made a point to stay out of Nevada.
Guilt does that to you.
An event triggers a memory of past failure and your mind starts to go down that road. You think the trigger event is an early warning side and your sliding down the same slope of failure again – your relationship is going to end horribly – or you’re going to lose another job.
But, in Christ, that’s not true. We are forgiven. The resurrection of Jesus Christ is proof that Jesus has the power to forgive sins.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! – 1 Corinthians 5:17
Here is a little fable about how the sting of death has been taken away. Imagine a little boy and his father driving down a country road on a beautiful spring afternoon.
Suddenly out of nowhere a bumblebee flies through the open car window. Since the little boy is deathly allergic to bee stings, he becomes petrified.
But the father quickly reaches out, grabs the bee, squeezes it in his hand, and then releases it. But as soon as he lets it go, the young son becomes frantic again as it buzzes by him.
His father, seeing his panic-stricken face, extends his hand. Pointing to his hand, he shows his son that there, still stuck in his skin, is the stinger of the bee.
“Do you see this?” he asks. “You don’t need to be afraid anymore. There’s no more sting in that bee!”
THE TOMB IS EMPTY OR OUR FAITH IS IN VAIN
Marcus Borg, a member of the Jesus Seminar, denies that the empty tomb is necessary to the Christian faith. “I think the resurrection of Jesus really happened, but I have no idea if it involves anything happening to his corpse, and, therefore, I have no idea whether it involves an empty tomb. … So I would have no problem whatsoever with archaeologists finding the corpse of Jesus. For me that would not be a discrediting of the Christian faith or the Christian tradition.”
On the other hand, R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, believes that the empty tomb matters a great deal. He agrees with Paul, who evidently would not qualify for membership in the Jesus Seminar: “If Christ has not been raised, then our proclamation has been in vain and your faith has been in vain” (1 Corinthians 15:14). Paul sets himself against the Jesus Seminar and all who deny or deride the empty tomb. “Either the tomb is empty,” concludes Mohler, “or our faith is in vain.”
Bill y Graham is now 90 years old with Parkinson’s disease. In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina, invited their favourite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in his honour.
Bill y initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he struggles with Parkinson’s disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, ‘We don’t expect a major address. Just come and let us honour you.’ So he agreed.
After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, ‘I’m reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honoured by Time magazine as the Man of the Century. Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn’t find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets.
It wasn’t there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it.
Then he looked in the seat beside him.
He still couldn’t find it.
The conductor said, ‘Dr Einstein, I know who you are.
We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket.
Don’t worry about it.’
Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.
The conductor rushed back and said, ‘Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don’t need a ticket. I’m sure you bought one.’
Einstein looked at him and said, ‘Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don’t know is where I’m going.”
Having said that Billy Graham continued, ‘See the suit I’m wearing? It’s a brand new suit.
My wife, my children, and my grandchildren are telling me I’ve gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion.
You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I’ll be buried. But when you hear I’m dead, I don’t want you to immediately remember the suit I’m wearing.
I want you to remember this:
I not only know who I am … I also know where I’m going.’
Something heart warming
Billy Graham is now 90 years old with Parkinson’s disease. In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina, invited their favourite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in his honour.
Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he struggles with Parkinson’s disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, ‘We don’t expect a major address. Just come and let us honour you.’ So he agreed.
After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, ‘I’m reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honoured by Time magazine as the Man of the Century. Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn’t find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets.
It wasn’t there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it.
Then he looked in the seat beside him.
He still couldn’t find it.
The conductor said, ‘Dr Einstein, I know who you are.
We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket.
Don’t worry about it.’
Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.
The conductor rushed back and said, ‘Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don’t need a ticket. I’m sure you bought one.’
Einstein looked at him and said, ‘Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don’t know is where I’m going.”
Having said that Billy Graham continued, ‘See the suit I’m wearing? It’s a brand new suit.
My wife, my children, and my grandchildren are telling me I’ve gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion.
You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I’ll be buried. But when you hear I’m dead, I don’t want you to immediately remember the suit I’m wearing.
I want you to remember this:
I not only know who I am … I also know where I’m going.