I need forgiveness. And I am finding, lately, that I need to forgive those who have hurt me. I am getting help by re-reading The Art of Forgiveness, a great book by the late Lew Smedes.

Forgiving happens in three stages, writes Smedes. “We rediscover the humanity of the person who wronged us, we surrender our right to get even, and we wish that person well.”

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

One of God’s better jokes on us was to give us the power to remember the past and leave us no power to undo it.

The most creative power given to the human spirit is the power to heal the wounds of a past it cannot change.

When we forgive, we set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner we set free is us.

We do our forgiving alone inside our hearts and minds; what happens to the people we forgive depends on them.

The first person to benefit from forgiving is the one who does it.

We forgive people only for what they do, never for what they are.

We cannot forgive a wrong unless we first blame the person who wronged us.

Smedes is helpful in distinguishing forgiveness from what it is not. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation or restoration. Forgiveness does not mean we are reunited.

Forgiving does not require us to reunite with the person who broke our trust.

Forgivers are not doormats. To forgive a person is not to signal that we are willing to put up with what he does.

May God give us grace to forgive and be healed from the hurts we did not deserve.