3 Awkward Moments at Church

It’s been almost three months since I started church shopping.

“Church shopping” sounds so consumeristic. How ’bout this:

It’s been almost three months since I commenced a holy quest for a community where I can love, serve, and sacrifice. Much better.

But church shopping—er, community questing—has opened my eyes to some of the annoyances of church services. Here are three things I really wish churches would stop doing …

1. Making the kids ministry a “Where’s Waldo” mystery.

A few weeks ago my wife and I walked into a foyer with no visible signs of a children’s ministry. After 15 minutes (and two bad sets of directions) we finally located where they kept the preschoolers. Sheesh. Ditching my kids for an hour shouldn’t be that hard! You expect weeping and nashing of teeth in the nursery; not from the people trying to find it.

2. Making me say something dumb to my neighbor.

“Turn to your neighbor and say, ‘You are valuable and beloved!” The pastor at one church commanded we all say something to that effect. Now I’m sure the dude sitting to my left is a veritable fount of rainbowy goodness, but I’d rather swallow a fork than shower verbal affirmations on a perfect stranger. Speaking of strangers …

3. Making the greeting time uncomfortably long.

Just about every congregation adheres to the awkward mid-service break to greet those around you. But I was at a church last week that actually threw some time up on the clock. Five minutes of greeting? That’s a marathon! By the two-minute mark, I’d already shaken 9 hands. At the three minute-mark, my smile froze. With one-minute remaining, almost delirious, I spotted my wife’s iPhone and escaped into sweet digital disengagement. Thank you, Steve Jobs!

Drew Dyck
Senior Editor
CT Pastors

@Rev_Norespect In response to “We’re leaving coz we’re not getting fed, a friend replied, “Good. Coz we don’t have bibs here, only aprons.”